In these 365 square miles of sun, sea and sand Barbadians often refer to themselves as loving, warm, friendly people, but is that always the case, or are we living a lie? By the end of my story you can see for yourself if this is true.
For the purpose of this article you can call me Jackson. I am a person living positively and my background is no different from any other young black West Indian male.
I was raised in a Christian home by my mother and father with two sisters. My father also had three other children from a previous relationship and he supported all of us. I attended primary and secondary school and even though I did not become an island scholar, I did well enough to be able to support myself and contribute to the household from the time I started my first job at the age of twenty, until I moved out to live on my own.
Over the years I have worked in the area of security, furniture making and agriculture and during that time I gained many friends, and some of those even became lovers. As a result of that wild period in my life I became infected with HIV.
In October of 2003, after a friend told me he had been tested I decided to take the test. Their were no prior signs, nothing to indicate that I might be ill, but all of the information was out there and I new that over the years I had not been practicing safe sex, so I went and took the test. In about three weeks I got my results and they were HIV positive.
My immediate response was shock, I felt hurt and betrayed by the people in my life who claimed they loved me, but they didn’t love me enough to tell me the truth about their own status or even to protect me from this terrible disease; and I didn’t know that I could protect myself from HIV.
Counselling was the next step and it took sometime for me to accept my fate, but with the support of my family and close friends this self acceptance became easier. Taking the medication was another hurdle because my body went through a period of rejecting the anti-retroviral treatment (ARV’s). I experienced many side effects at the beginning. However today I can say that I have gotten over that as my present medication is working with no problems.
Stigma and discrimination where my biggest stumbling blocks and even today the wider community still looks down on persons living positively. But this disease has caused me to see life in a different way. I no longer get involved in sexual relationships so easy and I read my bible more often now. I have come to realize that we are all the same when it comes to HIV and AIDS, this disease did not choice me because I am a black gay man. I got this disease because I was careless and I trusted too easily. But it is not the end of my life, I have now come to accept that I am HIV positive and I now devote my time to the fight against this dreaded disease. HIV is the enemy, not the persons who are infected.
To you out there who are not infected, I say protected your self ALWAYS, and to you who are like myself, I say life can continue with HIV, so KEEP THE PROMISE, DON’T TURN YOUR BACK ON AIDS.
Jackson - Barbados
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